October 2011
1 post
We'll Kerry on.
He looked over his left shoulder, panting. Three large men, all with pitchforks and overalls, chasing him at full speed. He knew he was dead. Heck, he knew he was dead even before he slept with largest man’s daughter. She was a lovely girl, who loved him for who he was. A piece of broccoli.
July 2011
1 post
I keep Nigella's sheep close.
As I stood in line wondering where I would end up - the ‘good’ person vault or the ‘liars’ vault - I notice my brother helping direct the lines. Problem was, my brother died in ‘17. He was also a woodchuck.
Years later I received a package from him addressed to “Mr. A. Tindell”. I had married recently and took her name, as was customary, so I...
June 2011
1 post
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
2 posts
& seen
Two fish were in their tank.
One manned the guns, the other drove.
December 2010
4 posts
As the World Churns
Listening to the soft melody streaming from the BOSE radio that was sitting nicely on the kitchen table, he wept. Not because of the melody, but because he had just turned into a parrot.
The Thunder Rolls Off My Tongue
If you’re looking for a situation that will depress both you and your wife, be the better seamstress.
Naut it.
Had one of the most intense and vivid dream in a while last night about a zombie apocalypse.
Big props to Adam and Bill for their controversial decision to follow a small child back to his house and into the attic. Never saw such a pimped out attic. It was full of assorted weaponry and had internet access.
While surfing the web we saw a disturbing death notice from a blogger.
RIP Lamar Odom.
Underneath the Underbrush Lies Understanding
Reason #41 being married is cool.
Walking into the bedroom to go to bed while your sleeping wife is laughing creepily saying “Just holding a placenta no big deal.”
It was all fun and games until her eyes rolled back into her head and a bloody placenta was visible in her hands.
November 2010
1 post
In early '99 I beat the Ocarina of Time, they call...
Always fantastic to wake up to coffee at Caribou and try to study while listening to a guy tell his stories about getting free beer at strip clubs by telling the waitress about his fake documentary film “Filth”.
October 2010
5 posts
If you aren't saying what you're thinking, nobody...
It was easier than they had expected. Too easy almost. David and Robert were surprised that there was an unguarded “entrance” to Grand Canyon National Park. No matter, they just wanted to feel the cool midnight air across their faces, and sit with their feet dangling over the edge of the cliff. You might call them daredevils, but in their eyes a bit of danger once in a while was the...
If you speak only in acronyms all day you'll feel...
He spoke in a hushed tone. All eyes were on him. But he was an octopus and nobody liked him. Who would like the only thing that could wrap his sleazy arms around eight girls at one time. That isn’t true, everyone like him. Boy how Roger wished he was as popular as the octopus. He called him ‘the octopus’ because the thought of his real name made Roger upset. No, just ‘the...
Dimechest. Live at the Palace.
The man walked into the room. His name was Daniel, and he was dead. Ventilation was imminent. Lost to the wolves you might say. If your dreams could develop a story this surreal you’d wake up sweating. And dead too, probably.
The knife that was plunged through his colon was the only sign of life now. Unless you count the fish in the bowl beside the bed. Except the fish wasn’t...
August 2010
2 posts
Now, for what is really on my mind.
It was a warm summer evening. Theodore woke up to the sound of his mother beating on his bedroom door.
“Wake up Teddy, you bum!” she hollered. The sound waves didn’t seem mind the wooden slab blocking the two, as it pierced Theodore’s ears like a well thrust spear.
Theodore, although now wide awake, slid out of bed slowly, not wanting to face the day. He noticed his alarm...
The man drifts away/Chicken Soup for the...
School has been over for a week. Not quite sure what to do with myself.
1) Pack
2) Move
3) Vacation.
I wrote a story on here once. Tis most epic of tales.
June 2010
2 posts
I once pooped in a box.
Then threw it in the woods.
May 2010
1 post
A dream.
Vivid since kindergarten, this dream has resurfaced in my memory. As you read, and think there goes Justin’s lies again…Just remember.
1) I’m serious
2) Even I couldn’t think this up.
Onward march.
I am in my uncle’s house watching TV with my parents. I beg my uncle to let us change it to wrestling (WWF(E)). He obliges, interesting because he DESPISES wrestling....
April 2010
5 posts
Slug in My Celery: A Memoir
Chapter 1: See
Today there was a slug in my celery.
Chapter 2: Feel
It was all slimy and gross.
Chapter 3: Emotions
Sadness overwhelmed me.
Chapter 4: Thoughts
How could this happen?
Chapter 5: Revolution
Perhaps it is real, unprocessed celery. The kind my ancestors used to harvest.
Chapter 6: Serenity
I am not upset.
Epilogue:
I ate the celery.
Chiro-school hilarity.
Today I had an exam. You might say this is the hardest exam we’ll take in school.
Onward with the post.
She’s a tricky teacher. Examples of how?
Example 1.
Q. Doesn’t matter…
A: Left ventral posterolateral thalamic nucleus.
Choices given:
A & B = nonsense
C. right ventral posterolateral thalamic nucleus
D. left ventral posteromedial thalamic nucleus
E. None...
Two Byler's Brews later, I was passed out in...
Location: Dan Ryan Expressway Chicago, IL
Speed Limit: 45 mph
My speed: 55-60 mph
Cop location: Leftmost lane of three
My location: Rightmost lane of three
Flow of traffic: 65-70 mph
Suspected thoughts of cop: “Murderers might be of more importance than these daredevils.”
Fin.
Chi-town brings me DOWn.
Yo dawgs,
Chicago sucks.
Guaranteed.
Yes it’s a great place to visit, but my oh my how bad it sucks to live here.
I miss the simplicity of Grand Rapids more than I ever could have imagined.
I don’t think it’s even the “big city”, more so the horrible attitude of the general population. In Grand Rapids people just seemed to care more about others.
What’s...
March 2010
4 posts
Final (Fantasy) Four
My national championship pick: Kansas
Possible finish in my bracket (1st place $100): 1st place (currently second)
Best tournament in a while? Yes.
PS Nina couldn’t pick me up from campus yesterday because she was watching the Butler-Kansas State game at my uncle’s place.
Hot?
Yes.
March Sadness
As I watched Northern Iowa pull off the greatest of upsets, I jumped and cheered while Nina read quietly.
Where did the E4 excitement go?
Pass Me Another Warm One.
Around 7 a.m. I overheard some fellow students talking about classes, and picked out this:
“It was funny, last night I studied a chapter of notes from physiology and then read a chapter of the book, then a chapter of notes and another chapter from the book.”
Sad part is…
I thought it was hilarious.
Tortoise and the Hair, or Spend a Minute With Me...
Three weeks, 10 exams = bologna.
Seven down, three to go.
January 2010
1 post
December 2009
1 post
Nothing suede can stay.
As I’m sitting here, doing all I can to not study for my last final of my first trimester of graduate school, I can’t help but imagine that someone, somewhere, lets call him Terry, was just lured into a large warehouse by a sexy woman. Upon the entry to said building, the realization sets in that the woman was a decoy to get the Terry away from the hundreds of pounds of cocaine that he...
November 2009
1 post
Cheese Whiz Kids.
The best thing about chiropractic school is when you adjust someone and you get bones to pop audibly, you get to say, “Aw, yeah, I just blew you up.”
If anyone wants to be blown up, give me a holla.
July 2009
1 post
Just see below.
Heart pounding lightly.
Midget feeling ten feet tall.
Disappointment comes.
Haiku by me.
June 2009
3 posts
Fingers and toes and bros, oh my!
ninasaurus:
flyinamousetrap:
Maine is a pretty cool place.
Even cooler than that is when you get to go there and eat lots of seafood, and such.
Even cooler than that is when you get an island view.
Even cooler than that is when you find $32,403 in a briefcase on the street.
Even cooler that that is when you give it to the cops as a moral citizen, and they give it back to you 30 days later...
Fingers and toes and bros, oh my!
Maine is a pretty cool place.
Even cooler than that is when you get to go there and eat lots of seafood, and such.
Even cooler than that is when you get an island view.
Even cooler than that is when you find $32,403 in a briefcase on the street.
Even cooler that that is when you give it to the cops as a moral citizen, and they give it back to you 30 days later with no claim, and say...
Ballin'
Hello sports fans, it’s a series…
REDICK!!!!! MORRISON!!!!! It’s the NBA Finals on ABC!!!!!!
May 2009
1 post
Lowe's
There were many bees at Lowe’s today.
April 2009
5 posts
Things in my life...
Like many, my last undergraduate class was completed today.
I have mad senioritis, horrible, but I guess this means I did well enough to be able to not care come finals week.
Nina is gone for another 30+ hours. BOO!
I might go out to the bar tonight, but we’ll see (it’s smoky in there…)
Props to Jon for editing my last paper. It was extremely helpful these last few semesters...
Your business card is very bad! Crap even... →
My word…
This is my last resort...
Supposedly studying.
I know nothing specific about touch, and speech realted gestures.
In one hour I’ll need to though…
Motivation, no breathing, don’t give a **** if I fall asleep reading…
Yeah, just made that up.
Now I’m off for studying: pt. 2: The Saga Begins
I like a lot of things...
I like people, especially my closies (short for closest friends)
I like staying up late watching a pivitol Orlando Magic (or any team really) basketball game
I like rooting for the Cubs and saying the phrase “This is their year!”
I like playing sports video games (FIFA)
And I also like weird role-playing video games like Final Fantasy, regarless of what people say behind my back....
March 2009
3 posts
First serious post in a while...
I’m sitting here in my room listening to Death Cab’s Narrow Stairs album, and it feels like summer. It’s a combination of the sun shining into my room and the album’s summer release. Right now, I’m imagining riding Bill’s bike to my biochem class, weirdly enough, a good memory.
On lighter note, I have sense that wherever Jon is eating breakfast right now, his...
For Bill and Steve.
Nina is PHENOMINAL!
: )
February 2009
4 posts
Gettin' CRUNK!
At my Mom’s place.
Nah, just kiddin’.
A story.
We don’t have many clean dishes due to a non existent supply of soap.
Because of this I had to use the spoon that has diamond and moon shaped holes.
I guess life has a way of just working itself out, you know?
Joke/Campaign for PSA
Two guys walked into a bar.
The third one laughed, but then got sniped because he was still standing and made the easiest target.
Friends, I beg you, don’t laugh at people when they get hurt.
Postin'
no more story hope you enjoyed it i think only jon read any of it oh well thats why im a science major i cant even write good sentences with periods and capitals and things like writing stuffs that jon knows at least i can speell